How to Write a (Great) Obituary: Step-By-Step | Cake Blog (2024)

Writing an obituary can be a difficult, sorrowful, and, yet, inspiring act. A generic obituary template becomes deeply personal when it’s filled with the meaningful, heartfelt details of our loved one’s life.

As much as they are about sharing biographical facts and important funeral information, obituaries are a chance to tell the story of someone’s life and demonstrate their lasting contributions to both family and community.

The difference between an ordinary and a great obituary can be the creativity (and sometimes humor) deployed within its limited text. However, don’t go overboard with someone else’s story: keep it true to their personality.

We’ll walk you through simple steps to compose an obituary that captures the essence of your loved one — or your own journey if you are writing your own in advance.

Jump ahead to these sections:

• Getting started
• Gathering the facts
• Capturing a unique life
• Sharing the scoop on services
• Special instructions and sayings
• Choosing an obituary photo
• Writing your own obituary

Tip:If writing an obituary is just one of the tasks you're facing for the first time after losing a loved one, ourpost-loss checklistcan help.

Getting started

Obituaries typically begin by announcing the deceased’s passing. Provide their name with a very brief description, their age, and the date of their death. E.g., On Wednesday, October 9, 2019, Jane Smith, a loving wife and mother of two children, passed away at the age of 68.

Simple enough.

But from there, you have some stylistic decisions to make. If you pay per word for a newspaper obituary, you may leave out some biographical data to create a compelling and interesting story that captures the essence of their (or your) life. If you want to be thorough about the customary biographical information, you can tackle the list below.

Gathering the facts

The details you will typically gather to include in the obituary are:

• Full name, including his or her middle name or initial, maiden name, and/or nickname, if applicable
• Age at the time of death
• Where the deceased was living at the time of death (city and state)
• Day of the week and date of death (month, day, and year)
• Place and cause of death, if you wish to include this information in the obituary
• Birthdate (month, day, and year) and place of birth (city and/or state)
• Full name(s) of parent(s) and/or stepparent(s)
• Marriage(s), including date (month and/or year), location, and name of spouse(s)
• Education: school, college, university, and/or other, if applicable
• Achievements, awards, and other forms of recognition
• Employment history, if desired, and military service
• Place(s) of residence (city and/or state)

In addition, you will want to list family members of the deceased. Begin with those still living (“Survived by”) and their city/state of residence.

• Spouse, partner, or significant other
• Children and/or stepchildren in order of date of birth, and their spouses. List spouse’s first name in parenthesis, then surname. If the spouse’s surname is different, or the couple is not married, include the partner’s surname in the parenthesis along with their first name.
• Grandchildren and/or step-grandchildren (by first name or just the number of)
• Great-grandchildren and/or step-great-grandchildren (names or just the number of)
• Great-great-grandchildren and/or great-great step-grandchildren (names or just the number of)
• Parents and/or stepparent(s)
• Grandparents
• Siblings (in order of date of birth)
• Others, such as nephews, nieces, cousins, in-laws (optional)

Then, if there are family members who have died, list them as “Predeceased by…” (include name and month/year of death, if known):

• Spouse(s), partner(s), or significant other(s)
• Children and/or stepchildren (in order of date of birth)
• Grandchildren and/or step-grandchildren
• Siblings (in order of date of birth)
• Parents and/or stepparent(s)
• Others, such as nephews, nieces, cousins, in-laws (optional)

If you prefer to “fill in the blanks,” this free tool from Legacy.com helps you create and share an obituary online and in your local newspaper.

Capturing a unique life in a few paragraphs

To write a great obituary, capturing the essence of the person who has passed is important. Step away from the details and write a paragraph describing what that person was really like. Did they have a common expression? A quirky habit, a favorite recipe, or a creative way of showing love to others?

You may wish to mention hobbies, sports, interests, activities, causes supported, and/or other forms of passion, enjoyment, or recreation. Especially important are activities that reflect the values of the deceased, such as charitable, religious, fraternal, political, and/or other affiliations.

Try to weave interests and achievements (as space allows) into stories about the deceased's special qualities, rather than just listing them.

Sharing the scoop on services

Another major function of an obituary has traditionally been to share information about the time and location of funeral services or other commemorative activities. Here are the details that you'll need to include:

• Any public funeral, memorial, vigil, or graveside service details, if applicable, including date, time, and location (including the location/business name and physical street address, city and state, and a website address or link, if available)
• Name(s) of the officiant(s), pallbearers, and/or other information, if applicable and desired
• Location of interment, if applicable

Special instructions and sayings

At the end of an obituary, messages about special charities (e.g., ‘in lieu of flowers, donations may be made to..’) or other appreciations (e.g., ”Thanks to the staff at hospice for..”) often appear. If you want to direct readers to send flowers and/or contributions to a funeral memorial fund or designated charitable organization, be sure to include details concerning how/where to donate (include a website address or link, if possible).

Sometimes a short prayer or a line from a poem is placed at the end (E.g., "We will always carry your memory in our hearts”). Such additions are optional but can communicate an important message at the close of the obituary.

If you are in the position of submitting the obituary of someone who has pre-written their own, you will probably (unless instructed otherwise) want to add a bit about how others (family members, their community) were positively impacted by the deceased. Adding that perspective is something the deceased couldn’t do, making the obituary more than simply autobiographical.

Choosing an obituary photo

Online obituaries nearly always include a photograph, which is a wonderful way to remind us of the deceased. Some people choose to go with a recent photo. If your loved one was very ill during the last years of their life, it's not uncommon to use an older photo of a person when they were in better health.

In a printed obituary, photos add significantly to the cost yet are a useful way (especially if a recent shot is used) for readers to recognize our loved one among all the other obituaries.

Writing your own obituary

While you may be reading this article to write an obituary for your loved one, consider writing your own obituary in advance. This can be immensely helpful to your loved ones someday.

Sure, they'll likely need to make some tweaks and updates, but having a foundation to work off with all the factual information will make the process much easier at a stressful time.

If you're young and healthy, consider writing your own aspirational obituary. This powerful activity can clarify what's most important to you in life moving forward. Use your aspirational obituary to focus on living a life you want to be remembered for.

If you want to try writing your own obituary, think about these questions (in addition to all the biographical information):

• How do you want to be remembered?
• What are some of your greatest accomplishments (family, career, otherwise)?
• What brings you joy?
• What have you learned (lessons from childhood, adulthood, later years)?
• Which adjectives best describe you?
• Do you have a message for the next generation?

If you go through the process of writing your own obituary, make sure your family knows about it! It's not useful unless they have access to your document. More on that below.

Create an End-of-Life Plan

Anyone tasked with tying up the loose ends of a loved one can attest to just how stressful and difficult it can be. The process is always easier if the deceased has left behind a detailed plan to follow.

Consider creating your own free end-of-life plan with Cake (you're on the Cake blog) to express and share your unique wishes with your loved ones.

This will make things easier on them someday and better ensure your final wishes are followed. You'll plan for healthcare, financial, funeral, and legacy decisions. Additionally, you can upload all your important documents for safekeeping,